Our Big Birthday Month

 I have to apologize for the lack of pictures.  I was kind of going through the motions at this point.  I didn't want my sons to suffer because my heart wasn't in it.  

So for Sam's Birthday I took him to lunch for his birthday at Chick Fil A.  We, at our house, call it Chick a fil a.  It comes from my grandma so it goes way way back and it isn't going to stop.  He wanted his cousin's Colin and Andra to come along so we brought grandma along and made a day of it. 

 Here are their cakes.  Sam of course wanted Cars 2 and Owen loves Pirates

 Here we are singing Happy birthday.  You would think that with a family full of singers that we would sound so beautiful and harmonize while singing happy birthday but alas no.  We have a tradition that we borrowed from the other Frosts of singing at the top of our lungs in the worst possible way.  It is super fun!  First time we all laughed for fun in a while.

 This is Owen trying to block out the noise.

 And Sam too.

 This is all the birthday's at the Beardall family birthday party. 

I hope someday they will forgive me for kind of half way doing their birthday's this year.  I love them and only want the best for them.  I promise I will do it better next year.

Paying Tribute to My Daddy

 I don't really want to blog about this but I think it will be good for me.  These are the pictures of my daddy's service.  It was a really neat service.  The theme was that my dad loved my mom which I think is the greatest thing to be remembered for.  These are all the pictures and memento's of my dad.  Yes those things you see are in fact records because my dad was in a band!  If you want ask me and I will play you his song.

 These are golf balls.  My dad's favorite thing to do was play golf so we had all the grandkids write on a ball their favorite thing about their "papa"  Sam's said " He likes to push us down"  Morgan's said " He licked our noses".  It was really really cool. 

 I love this picture cause this is what we did for a week or so.  I am so grateful for my family.  I can't imagine not being able to have them close to me.

 The "David Bearers"  I will tell you the story behind this.  When my dad went to his uncle Dale's funeral he was asked to be a pall bearer and he leaned over to his brother and said "Why are they calling us "paul bearers"?  We are Dale Bearers.  So we made sure that these sweet men were known as "David bearers"

 The flowers were beautiful!

 All the Grandkids.  They sang a song at the service.  Ok they cried through a song at the service.

 My Dad's brother.  He has been so amazing!  He has been there for my mom when we couldn't be.  We have been extremely grateful for him.  We are also grateful for my Aunt for letting him take the time away to help us.

 The florist told us before she left the church that when the sevice was done to make sure that we took as many flowers from the arrangements as we could.  So we did!  This is us getting our flowers and stuff.

 We then let the kids get some too.

 This is my cousin Corbin who had been to Disneyland with us.  We let him have some too.  We are nice like that.  :-]

 That night after a long nap we got all the family together and went to my dads favorite restaurant,  The Brick Oven. 

 The Frost's, Corbin, Andrew, and Victoria.  And Miss Mikayla

 More Frost's,  Alicia and Aunt Rosemary and cute little Frost's in the middle.

 My mom's family.  Aunt Shelley, Aunt Susan and Annie, oh and Evan there in the back ground.

 More Frost's, Jamie and Uncle Bif

 My mom's Brother Rusty and sister Gayle and her husband Burt.

 My cousins Holly and Kristy

 Kaci's husband Brad and his Brother (whom we have adopted) Todd and Todd's wife Randy Oh and that's Morgan's back of the head.

Kaci, and Mr. Wy  next to Kara's husband Ryan and the crazy boy's Owen and Stu.  It was so nice to see everyone.  We got to see people we haven't seen in many many years!!!  Thanks again to all who helped, Thanks to my mom's ward for the wonderful lunch and to Aspen Funeral Services for being so amazing and taking such great care of my dad. 

Disneyland Trip

 Well here it is.  My Disneyland post.  When I was thinking about blogging about this before we left I pictured myself feeling a whole lot differently about it then I actually do.  Oh well here goes.  So like I said We started out at Knottsberry Farm.  This is the picture I was talking about where my dad is super pissed off at me.  Not the best start to a vacation.
We mostly have pictures of Sam at Knottsberry because the other rides that the older kids were on were just too too fast!

 We loved Disneyland.  We missed my mom and dad but we still tried to have fun.  The kids on the tea cups.  We have a picture just like this from each year we have been there. 

 We were joined by my cousin Corbin half way through the day.  He was so much fun to have along.  We laughed and just had a blast. This is waiting for the tiki room to start.

 We also have this same picture of the kids saying good bye to Disneyland on our last day.  It always makes me sad that it has come to an end.  

California Adventure.

We also love California Adventure.  Our favorite ride is the Toy Story Mania!  This is us in line.  You can see we were supposed to move.  The lines in January are short so we didn't have a lot of time to take pictures.

 Our second favorite ride is California Screamin'.  Sam was still too small so we took pictures of everyone as they were just about to take off. 

 Sam's favorite thing was meeting Lightning and Mater!

 The kids got to see what it was like to be packaged and sold.  Its a good thing we were in the market for some kids!  They might have stayed on the shelf for years.

 Lego Land 

(Again I have to say totally not worth it!)

 They had tons of huge life sized things made totally out of legos!  These were Owen and Sam's Favorite.

The kids got a little too close to this Lego shark!

 This was our favorite ride here at Lego Land (thats right the super slow boat ride was the favorite)

The kids got to drive their own boats and they drove just like a big boat so there were lots of getting stuck going on.  Which is probably what made it fun, was laughing at the kids trying to get unstuck

 Morgan is scowling because she started off in first and ended up in last.  Not super great at driving this particular race!

 Owen and Morgan got to practice driving!  They stink!!!  They were supposed to follow traffic laws and traffic lights and stop signs.  They all treated it just like an open course.  There were several close calls but thankfully no accidents.

All in all a good time.  I am excited to go back and make new memories.  Next time we are hoping to take the whole Frost family with us!

Going Private

 I have wanted to go private for a while now and things that were keeping me from doing it are no longer a problem.  I will be going private in about a week or so, so if you want an invite to view my blog please leave a comment with your email address.  That includes you Mikayla and Morgan!

I think Im ready

I have decided that I am ready to move out of my winter slump. As you can see I have changed my background to a bright springy background because I think I am ready to move myself into spring.  I have decided to post about our trip to Disneyland and Owens baptism and maybe even my dads funeral.  I feel like I am ready to move on and stop avoiding the happy things that led up to the sad things, and also the happy things that came after.  We will see how it goes so please bare with me.

The Story

I am not sure how to start this post.  Really I wish I didn't have to write it but I am hoping that it will be cathartic and will help in the healing process.

As you probably know I lost my dad about a week ago.  It was a total surprise and we had no idea it was coming.  I haven't told anyone the story or what happened because to be honest it is painful to tell and I don't really want to do it over and over so I figured that I could tell it here once and then anyone who wanted to know could read it.

It all started about  a month ago when my family and my parents went on the trip we take every three years to Disneyland.  My parents drove and we flew, so they left on Thursday the 13th and arrived on the 14th. They got the hotel rooms and ate at Knottsberry farm for dinner where my dad finally got the boysenberry pie he has been craving for so long.  We got there on Sunday the 15th.  We met up and  started to prepare for our week of Disney fun.  Monday the 16th was a holiday so we decided it wouldn't be a good idea to go to Disneyland on a holiday so we went to the less popular Knottsberry Farm.  We geared up for the first day of our vacation.  The first thing that happened as we walked in, of course, was that a photographer wanted to take our picture.  I asked her if she wouldn't mind taking one with my camera too.  My dad came up and asked if I would give him the camera and we argued a little bit about me just wanting a picture really fast and then I would give it too him.  I didn't realize at the time that one of his favorite things was to turn the camera on the photographer and I had offended him by not letting him have the camera.  So the last picture I have of my dad is him super pissed off at me.  I spoke to him about it later and we worked it out but to say the least it didn't start the day off very well.  My mom and dad were irritated and my mom started to feel sick midway through the day so they obviously didn't have a great time.   That night we went and got some dinner and then went back to the hotel exhausted and ready for sleep.  That night my mom came down with bronchitis.  The next day we woke up early and went next door to get my parents and my dad told us that my mom was too sick and they were staying home.  We went to Disneyland and tried to have a good time but I was worried the whole time.  Next day same thing, but they had seen a Dr and my mom was given a prescription and was starting to feel a little better.  My dad told me they would probably come with us the next day and then instead of going to Lego land they would stay and go to Disneyland Friday and Saturday.   So we woke up the next morning and my dad had come down with bronchitis.  So we went to our last day in Disneyland without them.  The next day he was worse.  He had come down with some sort of stomach bug that caused him to throw up and have horrible diarrhea.  We decided that we would still go ahead and go to Lego-land (totally not worth it.)  The next day my parents were supposed to check out and go home.  My dad was still too sick to go anywhere.  He was having similar symptoms as his first heart attach so he asked me to take him to a hospital.  After driving around for an hour we finally found one and he was seen by the Dr. and told he was extremely dehydrated and had a stomach bug, but his heart looked fine.  They told him to not eat anything solid and drink lots of gator-aide.  He was feeling better so they decided to head out. I asked them if they wanted me to drive them home and he said that he thought he would be fine.  My mom isn't able to drive so my dad was going to have to drive the whole time.  They made it as far as Las Vegas that night.  I spoke to my mom and she said they were fine and heading to home the next morning.  We flew out the next day and I wasn't able to get my mom on the phone but I spoke to my sister who told me she had spoken to them and they had made it as far as Filmore because my dad wasn't feeling well.   The next morning I got a phone call from my brother who said that he had gotten a phone call at about 2 am saying that my dad had probably had a heart attack and had been taken by ambulance to the hospital.  My mom had stayed in Filmore by her self and since she couldn't drive someone needed to drive down and get her and the car.  So my brother and I left at about 9 am and got to my mom at around 11.  We got her some food and then drove her to the hospital to see my dad.  When we got there he looked fine.  I could tell he was still not feeling well though.  His stomach was still upset.  They took him in that day for an echo.  It showed he had severe blockages in at least 3 and probably 4 arteries and they told us he needed to have bypass surgery.  They scheduled the surgery for Wed.  We called my sister Kaci and told her what was going on.  My dad said it would be nice if she could come out.  We don't know why, maybe he had some sort of premonition or something, but regardless Kaci got on a plane the next day.  We visited my dad after we picked up Kaci from the airport and laughed and watched my nephew throw all his round shaped food all over the place.  We made plans to spend the night at Kara's and meet at the hospital at 6 am before they took my dad back and then stay and wait for him to get out of surgery.   We got there right at 6 and talked with my dad for a bit and had a family prayer.  It was really nice.  Then they came in to get my dad, we weren't able to touch him because he was told to keep himself as sterile as possible so we told him we loved him and I told him to be good and they wheeled him back making jokes all the way.   About 2 or 3 hours in the Dr. came in and told us that the surgery hadn't started off well.  As soon as they started the anesthesia he essentially died on the table.  They got him all hooked up to the bypass machine which was breathing and  beating his heart for him.  They were going to finish the surgery and we were told to pray and hope for the best.  After another 5 hours or so we were told that they had finished surgery and when they were taking him to his room and  he coded again.  They did CPR and revived him again and started surgery again.  They decided that the problem was his valve that had been bad from the time he was little tiny.   They decided to replace the valve and fixed a couple of other things but they told us they weren't going to be able to close his chest because it would be too much pressure for his heart to handle.   But the first obstacle was going to be getting him off the bypass machine.  They weren't sure he was going to be able to make it.   We were moved to a separate room which we later learned was the "your loved one is going to dye room".  We waited for any news for the next 5 or 6 hours.  We had friends and family come and sit with us.  The nurses and Dr. Hacking (whom we started to call Dr. Bad news) tried to keep us informed as to what was going on. They told us that his heart was sicker then originally thought.  Somewhere in the last 15 years he had had a heart attach that had damaged the bottom half of his heart and it wasn't beating like it was supposed to.  They were shocked that he had driven to California and back.  They were shocked that he was walking around.   At about 10 pm they came in and told us that he was off the bypass machine and was being moved to his room.  At about 10:30 we learned that he had crashed again.  at 11:45 we were told that we could go and see him.  They told us that they didn't think he would live through the night so we were told to basically say our goodbyes.  They took us back and I have to say he looked really really bad.  My sister didn't want to see him like that.  She didn't want that to be the last image she had of him.  I knew I had to see him.  I couldn't leave with out seeing him one more time.  At about 12:30 we left the hospital sure that we were going to get a call in the middle of the night saying that he was gone.  We all slept with my mom that night.  No one really wanted to be alone.  When we woke up there had been no call.  We got ready and headed up to the hospital to check on my dad.  My brother had gone before we did and when we were on our way we got a text from Evan saying that my dad had just squeezed his hand.  We were ecstatic!  We kept up our prayers and my dad was given several blessings.  The nurses and Dr.'s were "cautiously" optimistic.  Things were the same for the next week.  We visited every day.  My mom visited 2 times every day.  He opened his eyes twice and tried to talk once.  It was so sweet to see him stare into my moms eyes.  You could tell how much he loved her buy the way he looked at her.  It was the neatest thing I think I have ever seen.   On Tuesday we were called to the hospital because he was now well enough to close his chest.  Which hopefully meant he was on his way to recovery.  The surgery went really well.  He started to wake up again and he looked really good.  On Wednesday when we visited I noticed he was starting to look yellow.  He had started to develop some Jaundice.  But the nurses weren't too worried.  On Thursday they told us that he had developed an infection and they were going to replace all his tubes and hopefully find the cause.  That night they told us that he had develop sepsis and they were worried but not too bad and just take it one step at a time.  On Friday morning I got a call from Kaci telling me that she and my mom were headed up to visit and she would call and give me and update.  She called about an hour later saying that they were a little worried about his heart it wasn't beating as well as it was supposed to so they were going to put the balloon back in to help it.  She asked if I was going to come up.  I was hesitant because I had sent Samuel to school and I wasn't sure what I was going to do with him.  I then got a call from Kara asking me if I was planning on going I told her my issues and she told me she was leaving immediately and I don't know why but that lit a fire in me and I made some calls and got Sam taken care of.  I do have to say here that when ever I would pray and ask my heavenly father to heal my dad I got a calm and peaceful feeling, and I on purpose did not say that I was ok with him not making it.  That morning when I said my prayer I didn't get this feeling, and so I said to my father in heaven that I would be ok if it was time for my dad to go home.  I quickly drove to meet Kara at my moms house and while on the way I was struck like something hit me in the chest by a very bad feeling and I screamed out "no, please no!"  And I started to sob.  I got to Kara who asked me if I too had that feeling and I said yes and we held each others hands as we raced to the hospital.  At the intersection of 700 E and 4500 so.  Kaci called to tell me that he was gone.  I cannot tell you how difficult it is to drive and sob at the same time but somehow I managed.  We made it to the hospital and joined our family members in my dads room where they were just taking out all the tubes in his mouth and nose.  They gave us time alone to say good bye.  I leaned over and kissed him on the forehead and held his hand.  I held my mom and cried with her.  My brother and sisters and I held each other and cried for at least 2 hours.  My mom after a while decided that she was ready to go.  So we left.  My brother and Uncle (my dad's only brother) stayed a while longer and were there when they took all the tubes out.  They said he looked so much better.  I did get to see him when we went to the mortuary to dress him for his funeral.  He did look so much better.  I am so glad that I did that.  We spent about a week planning the funeral.  It was a beautiful funeral.  It helped me to heal a little bit.  I still have a giant whole in my life now that will never be filled but it helped.   It hit me pretty hard when I was reading the information for Owen's baptism next month.  It says that Owen needs to choose 2 witnesses for his baptism.  Those have always been the grandpas.  I don't know what to tell him now.  I have to say how impressed I have been with my mom.  She has been so strong.  She has her bad days but she has had good days too which if it were me I don't know if I could have good days.  I miss my dad terribly.  I wish every minute of everyday that I could have him back again.  But the thing that keeps me going is that I know that he is ok.  He is enjoying some well deserved down time talking with my grandparents and his little sister.  I also know that I will get to see him again someday.  This is not the end, I just have to wait a little longer then I used to.  

Daddy, I love you and miss you more then I can say.  I can't wait to see you and hug you again!  Love, S'me