Thoughts

I was thinking tonight while I am here by my self yet again that I think I know why it is that I feel like time flies so fast.  I think it is because I live for Friday's.  I spend all week just getting through the day.  I have been waiting for the last year since my dad died to get back to normal.  To get back to my life.  I have been waiting around for something to seem normal again.  I just make it through another day.  Because it will be better and not as lonely when Troy gets home.  I wish I knew what it takes to just realize that this is normal.  I can't live like this for long.  I long for days when I don't have to go any where.  Mostly because when I go somewhere it isn't because I want to go or its something fun.  It is usually something I have to do or something that has to get done.  I am now in charge of all my mom's medical care.  It is like I have had another child but this child thinks they can take care of themselves and can do all the things adults can do.  But she just can't.  I worry constantly, CONSTANTLY!!! I feel like I am too worried about Troy being gone and being alone and my mom being alone and on her own and taking care of all her needs from 15 min. away that I can't concentrate on what I have right here in front of me.  I was too busy to be here when Mikayla registered for high school.  HIGH SCHOOL PEOPLE!!!!! I keep telling her to get off her ipod and be in the present, but I don't feel like I am in my own present.  I guess it is just depressing.  I am not sure how to pull my self out of it.  I am grateful for my wonderful friends that help me to pull my self out of it every once in a while.  That help me laugh and remind me that I am a person and not just somebodies care taker.  I am grateful for my brother and sisters that take a lot of the burden so that I don't have to bear it alone.  In fact they take a lot more of it then I do so I can't imagine how they are feeling!  Anyway enough ranting from me.  G-night all!